I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
