Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He has the fingertips of a God
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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