Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
