i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
