I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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