He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
