Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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