I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
