The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
