I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
