well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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