How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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