Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
