So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
