I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
