remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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