dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
