but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
