why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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