She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
