my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
