Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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