I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
