I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
