LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
