DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
