i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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