Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
