everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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