i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
