I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
