hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
