i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
