I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
