No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Damn victory sex feels great
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
