My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
