U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
