Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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