just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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