my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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