remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize