Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
smell my finger.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
