I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize