I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
