Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
