Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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