I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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