Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish my penis had a tongue
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
