I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
