This is not my ceiling
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
