Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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