is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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