u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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