Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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