This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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