i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
