Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
