I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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