another moral hangover. fuck.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
