i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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