So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
