The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
