my phone needs a breathalizer
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
