Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
