And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
