ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize