Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
