But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
