I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
