At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
