Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
