I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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