i think my tv is drunk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
