literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
