like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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