why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
