I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
