I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
