I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
