i would punch a child for taco bell
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
